myemanna.org

“Above all things, have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others].”  1 Peter 4:8 AMP

Yesterday I described an incident with my sweet hubby that happened over the weekend that caused quite a bit of nail-chewing on my part.  You may want to read it first, before you get “the rest of the story”.

I awoke the next morning feeling like I had not slept well at all.  Every muscle in my body seemed to ache as I came down the stairs for my morning cup of coffee.  I knew I had to get this thing right in my heart before the Lord, and was anxious to lay the whole sordid affair at His feet.  The following is my dialogue with Him during that time.

Father, (my husband) has bought another book debunking Christianity - defaming Jesus.  It breaks my heart.  And yet the one book - THE Book - that could bring abundant life to him remains ignored and unexplored.  I haven’t felt offense rise up in me like that in a long time.  It is with me here this morning.  Father, I choose to give it to You.  It seeks to separate me from him emotionally and physically, and I know that is not Your desire.  Right now it is mine though, so I ask that You line my feelings up with Yours.  Your will be done in this matter and not my own Father. 

Emanna, My pleasure and delight is in you!  Beloved child, as you place your continual trust in Me I prepare the path before you.  I bring you to places of rest and refreshment.  Do not let pride have any place in you Beloved.  Pride will lead you to places you do not want to go.  Pride will keep you from fulfilling all I have planned for you.  You must set your heart to love your husband.  This is what I am calling you to do above all else.  Love covers a multitude of sin.  What does this mean?  My love covers - engulfs - conquers - brings to nothing the plans of the enemy.  It is My “secret weapon” as it were.  There is no force that can stand against My love.  Do you want to see your husband fall before Me?  Yes, I know that is the desire of your heart, as it is My will as well.  This will happen as he experiences My love Emanna.  Pray that he tangibly experiences waves of My love.  He will be great in My Kingdom Beloved.  I have a plan and a purpose for his life just as I do for yours.  In a fortnight (I had to look this one up - it means 2 weeks) you will receive great encouragement precious One.  Just a little longer and you will see the recompense of your God.  I have decreed blessing and not cursing over your life, and will I not bring it to pass?  I AM Faithful and True, I bring down and I lift up.  Who can stand before Me?

Father, stir up the love that You have placed inside of me so that it is “intense and unfailing” towards my husband, and others You’ve placed in my life.  Intense and unfailing - just like You. Let my life be marked by passion for You - and then for those placed around me.  I want to burn brightly for You Lord Jesus.  Do not let me leave this earth before I bring You great glory.  You are my King and my heart longs for You.  My heart longs for You…

Be Intense and Unfailing in your love for one another,

Emanna

“A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.”

C.S. Lewis

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I have an amazing husband.  I don’t think there’s anything he would NOT do for me and the kids.  He’s always been faithful, always looked out for us and supported us.  He’s a totally engaged Dad, and loves being home with us.  We’re his best friends.  I could not have asked God for a better man to walk with me through life.  We’ve shared laughter and tears, joy and sorrow.  I absolutely love and adore him.  And after 17 years of marriage we are still compatible in all the ways that matter…all except one.  The BIG one.

On the day I married my best friend, I decided to marry another Man as well.  On my wedding day, as I vowed my heart to my soon-to-be husband, I also pledged my heart to Jesus.  Unbeknownst to the man that stood in front of me, I had made a pact with Jesus many months before that if He would just “get me to my wedding day”, I would give my life to Him.  He did…and I did.  When I married my husband I thought he believed in God, and in my immaturity I thought we were equally yoked in this important matter as well.  It wasn’t until after we had our first two children that I was enlightened otherwise.

I say all this to express this - it has been at times a very difficult road.  I’ve gone from shock: “What do you mean you don’t know where you’d go if you died tonight?!?”, to overdrive:  “I must SAVE my husband!”, to rebuke: “Oh!  I need to keep my hands off my husband - I’m not his Holy Spirit!”, to resignation: “Well, he really is a good man and maybe I shouldn’t be rocking the boat - I’ll just read my Bible and pray when he’s not around…”, to intercession: “Lord I don’t want to be in Heaven without him!”, to revelation: God has assured me He has my husband in His hands, and He will bring him into salvation.

All in all, I’ve been the one that has grown the most.  I have been the one challenged the most.  I have been the one rebuked the most.  I’ve come to a place in the journey that I believe that I BELIEVE he will come into the Kingdom of God.  As far as I’m concerned it is a done deal…I’m just waiting for him to get a clue.  He’s gone to church with me for the majority of the ten years we’ve been at our church, and has heard the salvation message probably hundreds of times.  I’m done anticipating when the pastor is going to “pull the net” once more.  God can save him at anytime, anywhere.  It probably won’t be at church when it happens.  I’m at a place now that if he says he’s never stepping foot inside a church again I’d smile sweetly and say, “Okay, Honey.”  I want him to be there because he WANTS to be there…not to please me or anyone else.

But Sunday night, with all the previous being said, I really got mad.  And the Lord revealed to me once more that there were additional “rough edges” He needs to use my sweet hubby to sandblast from my stubborn heart.

We love going out to dinner, and then hiding out at Barnes and Noble.  I head to the Christian section - he heads to the discount section.  We’ve been known to close the store down some nights - we’re both bibliophiles.  This particular night he found a book that really interested him.  As I met him at the cashier counter, he hid it from me, making comment that I would not approve of his choice.  Of course now I’m really curious, and fought him to see what exactly it was.  The title?  “The Jesus Papers - Exposing the Greatest Cover-up in History” by Michael Baigent.  Oi!  (For Jonathan Reeds synopsis go here.)

Okay, I found myself powering-up, and I believe the word “idiocy” flew out of my lips.  This isn’t the first time he’s purchased a book that slams Christianity and everything I believe in.  The accusatory voice in my head said, “He promised you he’d read the Bible…”  I shut my mouth before anything further could escape.  And before I knew it, I had shut down on him.  I didn’t want to speak to him, didn’t want any intimacy or…anything.  A brick wall flew up that I had no intention of letting him scale.

I slept awful that night.

I’ll tell you what the Lord said to me tomorrow…

Until then,

Emanna

At that time the disciples came up and asked Jesus, “Who then is [really] the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”  And He called a little child to Himself, and put him in the midst of them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn-about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].  Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoever receives and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My Name receives and accepts and welcomes Me.”   Matthew 18:1-5 AMP

Jesus absolutely amazes me, just as I know He did His own disciples at the time.  I love the scenario in this scripture - the disciples in all their bravado walking up to the Lord and baiting Him with this question.  Who indeed is the greatest in the Kingdom?  His standards are so different from our own.  I wonder if He took a certain delight in turning the tables on His disciples, and shaking their core beliefs at every turn!  But look again at this scripture passage.  Jesus, as only He could, quickly cuts down to the heart of the matter.  He doesn’t turn around and say, “Oh, you want to know who the greatest in the kingdom is?  Why it’s you Peter, and you John, and you Luke.”  He knows the hearts of all men, so He went straight to their hearts and not only told them, but showed them who the greatest of the kingdom is…a little child.

“What!?” I can hear Peter gasp.  “I don’t understand…” says John.  And so begins one of the most important object lessons that Jesus would ever give His beloved disciples.

“Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn-about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all]” Jesus says.  It’s almost as if Jesus is saying, “Just because you’ve walked with me and believe that you know me and even though I’ve chosen you - that’s not enough.”  Even Judas, the one who would betray him, could lay claim to those credentials.

Jesus had a similar conversation with Nicodemus.

Now there was a certain man among the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler (a leader, an authority) among the Jews, who came to Jesus at night and said to Him, “Rabbi, we know and are certain that You have come from God [as] a Teacher; for no one can do these signs (these wonderworks, these miracles–and produce the proofs) that You do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered him, “I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, that unless a person is born again (anew, from above), he cannot ever see (know, be acquainted with, and experience) the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to Him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter his mother’s womb again and be born?” Jesus answered, “I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, unless a man is born of water and [even] the Spirit, he cannot [ever] enter the kingdom of God.”  John 3:1-5 AMP

Jesus really is serious about this.  First we must repent, then be born again (completely trusting in His sacrifice for us at Calvary), and thirdly, we must remain like children.  The children that inhabit the kingdom of heaven are “trusting, lowly (humble), loving and forgiving”.  As children of the Kingdom we follow our Father wherever He leads.  We are born through the power of the Holy Spirit, and He bears witness with our spirits that we are truly sons and daughters of the living God.  It is through Him we cry, “Abba Father!”

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”  Romans 8:15

Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”  Galatians 4:6

Do you remember as a small child how you never thought about how to pay the bills, or fix a leaky faucet, or even what your next meal was going to be?  Do you remember a time when you completely trusted your parent(s) to entirely take care of you?  We had F-A-I-T-H in whatever they said.  We could bank on it.  It was only as we grew older that we began to realize that not all adults in our lives keep their promises.

I think this is why Jesus called a “little child” to Himself.  Little children trust, love, and forgive without really thinking about it.  They expect their needs to be met, do not hold back their reality from you and are entirely transparent.  If they are tired they fall asleep, or cry because they need to.  If they’re hungry they’ll tell you, if they’re lonely they’ll seek you out.  If they’ve done something wonderful they want to share it with you right away.  They are full of life, full of energy, full of questions and full of wonder.  They are eager to learn new things, and don’t pretend they know it all.  If they need help they ask for it.  Most of the time they walk around fearless, to the consternation of their mothers.  They believe they can fly, swim the deepest oceans, and climb the highest mountains.  Nothing is impossible for them.

We grow up too quickly, and forget our childhood days and our childhood ways.  Through experience and hard-knocks we learn that it’s safer to be self-sufficient, and not to rely too heavily on those around us. We hide our true feelings, and say what others want to hear.  We eat when we’re not hungry because we’re lonely, sad or fearful.  We’re afraid to take risks.  We know we can’t fly.

Somewhere in the recesses of our minds we wistfully long for those long-gone childhood days.  Isn’t it marvelous that Jesus is calling us to do exactly that - to become children once more?  To trust Him without reservation, to throw our arms around His neck anytime of the day or night and lavish our attention on Him “just because”.  He can handle the temper-tantrums, the disappointments and problems of this world, and calm every fearful heart.  He is big enough to provide for every need, and lavishes His favor on the one who will just come and humbly be His child.  There is nothing that delights His heart more.  Remember, Jesus was to be the first of “many brothers“.

And unlike our earthly childhood, Jesus has called us to a heavenly childhood that is full of love, joy, and peace.  He keeps His promises, and is faithful to the uttermost to those who are His.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:35-39

I am the unfortunate owner of two houses.  One is called “Flesh”, and the other is called “Spirit”.  And I get to choose daily where I’ll lay my head.

The Lord gave me a vision of the first house months ago.  It was a one room home, full of light from an open window, full of peace, goodness and life.  Full of all the things that would help me to be the person God created me to be.  It’s construction reminded me of a Jewish home with plastered walls, neatly kept and simple.  There was a jar there He told me was full of “joy and gladness”.  There were other items as well, each significant in their own way, and vital to my growth in Him.  But as beautiful and joyful as this home is, it is still strangely unfamiliar to me in many ways.  I have visited many times, but don’t consider myself to have taken up permanent residence there. 

The second house was revealed to me in a dream.  It was a house I was well-familiar with, old, established, in terrible disrepair, full of darkness, brokenness, shattered dreams.  I had the desire to repair it to it’s former glory, but as I wandered from room to room to assess each area I realized that it was a task I could not undertake alone.  It was not a task anyone would want to take on.  There were piles of junk everywhere you looked.  Even the side porch had old appliances and junk just lying around from years of accumulation and neglect.  The flower beds were overgrown and full of weeds.  It was beyond depressing, but strongly familiar.  I had the desire to clean it up and fix everything, but knew it was beyond me to do so.  And it is.

Up until the past couple of days I never understood the connection between these two “houses”.  But Jesus in His infinite mercy has finally put the puzzle pieces in place for me.  I must admit, this is a hard lesson to learn.  I stand on the sidewalk outside these two homes, and I have to make a choice.  Do I run to the familiar yet dark house, or the unfamiliar yet full-of-life house?  You would think this decision would be a no-brainer, but how many times during the course of a day do we choose that which we are most familiar with?  It’s almost as if we have a default setting we fall back on during times of quick decisions or pressure.  The key in our hand fits easily into the first door because it’s been used so much.  The key to the new door needs to be accessed from my knees, and doesn’t come open as easily.  Pride opens the first door, humility opens the other.

There are trees in front of each home.  In the first yard is a magnificent tree.  It’s called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  The second home has a tree also, though it doesn’t look much like a tree anymore.  It’s shaped like a cross - the Tree of Life.  In order to get in to the Home of the Spirit I have to stop at this tree first, for the key to the door hangs on it’s humble branches. 

Each home has very distinctive characteristics.  Some you will find uncomfortably familiar.  I’ll start with the House of Flesh.  In this home you’ll find a variety of unpleasant furnishings including:

immorality, impurity, indecency, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, ill-temper, selfishness, divisions, factions, envy, drunkeness, carousing, conceit, provocation, stealing, greed, slander, adultery, obscenity, foolish talk, course joking, murder, falsehood, rage, and more (Gal. 5:16-26, 1 Cor. 6:9-10, Eph. 5:3-7, Col. 3:5-11, Rev. 22:15). 

Though familiar, if I choose to dwell in the House of Flesh I open myself to deception, bondange, and eventually death.  Even visiting on occasion results in damage to relationships, and my heart can begin to harden to the things of God.  The stench of this home clings to me even after I’ve chosen to walk out the door.

Then there is the House of the Spirit.  The pathways surrounding this home all lead to peace.  Inside this home are furnishings and fixtures that will stand the test of time, and gain the approval of eternity.  You’ll find love here.  You’ll also find:

joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control, gentleness, meekness, humility, purity, understanding, truthfulness, thanksgiving, compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, righteousness and light (Gal. 5:16-26, 2 Cor. 6:6-7, Eph. 4:3, 5:4, Col. 3:12-17).

It is a home full of abundant life!  There are no shadows or darkness there.

Each day is full of crucial choices.  We often blow it and end up at the wrong address.  But Christ in His faithfulness sent us the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us and get us back on the right path.  This is truly living in the Spirit - walking side-by-side and step-by-step in the right direction.  It is a process, and we will never suddenly arrive at our final destination on this side of Heaven.  But we don’t need to despair.  If we allow the Spirit to lead us back to the cross once more we’ll receive the grace and forgiveness (and the key!) we need to rest our heads in the right home.  And as we do this as a matter of habit, I believe we’ll find our hearts naturally turning down the path of peace to the House of the Spirit.  When faced with difficult situations and unbearable pressure we’ll have learned to cling to the Tree of Life.  We’ll have sat at the table prepared for us in the presence of our enemies, and our cups will overflow with joy (Psalm 23).  But most importantly, we will have learned how to listen for the voice of our Savior, seen for ourselves the look of love in His eyes, and gaze upon the magnificence of His Person.

You see, He’s the Bridegroom.  He’s prepared a place for us - this very House of the Spirit, and He’s waiting for us to make His House our “home”.  He doesn’t want a visitor - He wants a Bride!  This is the mission the Holy Spirit has been entrusted with - to bring us to that end.  Bride, it’s time to come out of everything familiar!  It’s time to board up the other house and declare it “CONDEMNED”.  We are seated with Christ in heavenly places, and it’s time we became familiar with His ways, and set our hearts on the things above (Eph. 2:6, Col. 3:1). 

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of Life set me free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2

The weather is finally turning cooler, and the leaves are just beginning to turn.  Fall has finally arrived, but something different is attached to it this year…promises long forgotten, dreams long put away, hope long deferred springs back to life once more.  You’d expect this feeling at the approach of Spring.  But this year, as amazing as it has already been, is still bursting with life and color and promise and JOY.  Yes, this is the word I hear resounding in my spirit again and again. 

Earlier this year it was as if God reached down and uncorked all the promises and dreams in my life.  He’s restored my vision, prepared my heart to receive more of Him than I ever thought imaginable, and He gave me a new name.  He has opened His Word and poured it into my heart, and given me wisdom that could only come from His throne.  I’ve learned to die, I’ve learned to worship, I’ve learned to fly and I’ve learned to really live.  I’ve learned to love - passionately.  I’ve learned that mere moments in His Presence can erase a lifetime of regret.  And still I’m learning.  It is the grandest symphony of all - our lives entertwined with His.  But He is the One Who makes my life beautiful and meaningful and lovely.  He is the One worthy of all my praise and adoration.

This new season excites me.  As wonderful as this year has been so far, in my heart I know this is just the beginning.  The grand adventure is waiting before us - waiting for us to grab His hand and fly.  We are at a precipice.  Will we trust Him and jump?  Will we shrink back in fear?  He calls to us, woos us, embraces us.  Yes, you can fly - for He’s given you the wings. 

Boldly come to the throne of grace and ask Him what your part is for this new season.  Ask Him for a scripture to hold onto, to embrace and write upon the recesses of your heart.  Take it out, look at it, soak it in.  He has a promise specifically for you in this season.  He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future! (Jeremiah 29:11)  He doesn’t know how to give bad gifts you know.

The most important thing I have learned so far this year is concerning passion.  I believe the church as a whole has done a fine job of squelching anything remotely passionate in our relationship with God, because in the past there was so much abuse.  God is calling His Church to passionately love Him.  Do you think He is coming back for a Bride who turns her head and focuses her attention on other things when He appears?  He wants to be front and center in our thoughts, our wills, and our emotions.  He wants a Bride who knows how to lean on her Beloved (Song of Songs 8:5)…a Bride that has eyes only for Him.  In my quiet time one morning He spoke these words to me:

“A life without passion is a slow death indeed.”

How painfully true.  Our misplaced passion on the things of the world slowly kill us.  Like a hot coal pulled away from the fire, we find our flame slowly cooling - slowly dying.  If you have found that you have lost the white-hot passion of your “first love” then it is time to turn around and find Him once more (see Revelation 2:1-7).  He is calling for a people that is single-minded in their devotion to the King of Kings.  It is only as the world sees us “burning” that they are drawn to our Beloved once more.

Emanna

I had the most amazing dream the other night.  You know the kind…full technicolor with vivid emotion attached.  The kind that follow you around for days, digging into the recesses of your heart like barbs.  Occassionally God will speak to us through our dreams, if we’re open to receive them.  That night I received three.

I’m just going to tell you about one however, as the other two dealt specifically with some personal issues I’m currently dealing with.  This is not the first time I’ve had this experience.  Sometimes I think God uses dreams when He’s having trouble getting through to us by other means.  Daniel had dreams in the night, as other men and women in the Bible did as well.  Even though our bodies rest, our spirits are open to His gentle (and not so gentle) ministrations.

I was walking up a hill to what looked to be a large two-story house that had been turned into some quaint shops inside.  As I approached the house, I had to stop walking to stoop down and tie my shoe.  While I was in this position, I saw a dark man out of the corner of my eye.  He was looking at the purse I had slung on my right shoulder, and I new he had every intention of stealing it from me.  He lunged for me, and I successfully kept him from taking my purse.  He walked away from me a bit, and began to ask me for my purse.  It seemed like he was trying to determine if he could take me again.  I fumbled with my purse as I continued to walk up the hill toward the house with the shops.  In my mind I said, “If I can get inside the building someone will see this creep trying to attack me and stop him.”  I finally did get inside, and hid in a side closet of one of the inner shops.  There were actually slats in the wall, and I could see my pursuer on the other side of the wall, fumbling with something (I couldn’t see what at that time), and visibly struggling with whether he should pursue me inside.  But instead of a dark man I was looking at this pimply faced young teenager.  He eventually gathered his courage and came into the house.  He had an old gun in his hand, and was waving it around at everyone, and stealing everything he could get his hands on.  He herded us all outside to the front of the building.  At this point I became very indignant.  I was sick of his torment.  He’d stolen everything he could, and now he’s trying to torment us further.  In a split second I lunge for the gun and grabbed it by the barrel.  He’s so surprised I was easily able to take it out of his hands.  I began to shoot the gun into the ground.  To everyone’s surprise the gun is completely empty of bullets.  All you could hear was “click-click-click” as the chambers of the gun rotated.

About the time I discovered the gun was empty, an older gentelman came walking down the hill.  He was wearing an old leather hat, and had an old leather bomb jacket on with blue jeans.  He told us that the punk kid was his, and he began to tell me that his son started tormenting people when he was younger with “This.”  Then he pulled a banana out of his inside coat pocket.  He said that was how he began, and to please have mercy on his son.  This infuriated us, and everyone began to tell him how he stole everything from us.  Then the dream ended.

Now hang with me, as this is going to make a lot more sense.

The punk kid was a picture of Satan.  He comes to torment, to “kill, steal, and destroy” (John 10:10).  He’s looking for those “he can devour” (1 Peter 5:8).  He waits for an “opportune moment” (Luke 4:13) if we successfully fight him off the first time to return to see if our defenses are still up against him.  Sometimes we’ll perceive that the attack is stronger than the time before (in my dream the kid came after me a second time with a gun - and that time he wasn’t just after me, but everyone in the building), and often he’ll begin to attack those closest to us.  As we spend time in our prayer closet (the closet I hid in once I reached the building), God will often reveal our enemy for who he truly is, and reveal his strategy.  Our enemy may steal from us, and he may wave a gun in our face, but the gun has “blanks” because Jesus already took away his ammunition!  We have every right to boldly confront him, and call him down when he torments us.  Hallelujah!

I guess you’re wondering about the banana.  I believe the banana is symbolic of those little things the enemy begins to feed us - the seemingly harmless lies he gives us that act like barbs to lead us into greater deception.  The lie may be sweet, look completely harmless, and easy to digest, but it is deadly nonetheless.  If he can convince you to take and eat the “fruit”, what else can he convince you of?  These lies can come in many forms.  Our enemy is intimately acquainted with all our weaknesses.  But fortunately for us, God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  We can walk in His boldness, and His sufficiency.  He gives us exactly what we need for each situation that arises, and He trains our hands for war (Psalm 144:1).  Truly He is an awesome Father…

So, the next time the enemy of your soul comes to torment you, remember he is nothing but a pimply-faced punk kid.  He carries a gun with blanks.  Believe your Father.  Believe His Word and act on His promises.  He is mighty to save us!  Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has already won the battle for us, and we are more than conquerors through Him Who loves us!  (Romans 8:37)

Hallelujah!

What is this Lord?  Why do I feel this constant gnawing on the inside of me?  I can’t escape it.  I’m not sure I’d want to even if I could.  You consume me.  You have wrecked me with your love.  But I’ve asked you to do it haven’t I?  I keep asking and you keep answering and here I am.  Here I am.

Nothing satisfies me like You do.  Nothing touches me as deeply as You do.  I go through my days and if I am not struck by something passionately I wonder where You are.  I wonder if I missed You somehow.  But You’re always with me.  Waiting.  Watching.  Patient.  So patient.

I absorb the culture and random happenings swirling around my life like leaves falling from the trees in the autumn.  And I’m constantly looking for signs of You.  I know if I have the eyes to see You are all around me.  “Are You in him?”  “Are You in her?”  “What did she say again?”  “Was that You Lord?”

You’re teaching me how to look for You in the inconspicuous places.  In the obscure and out of the way places I am finding You.  In a friend’s smile I see You.  In a small cocoon I see Your glory.  In the voice of a child I hear Your wisdom.

How many moments have I missed?  How many gifts have you laid at my door that I just didn’t even recognize?  Too many to number.  And yet You still love me, still leave Your fingerprints all over my life like the crumbs from a child’s favorite fairytale.  “Seek Me and you will find Me,” you say.

My eyes are blurry Father.  I am spiritually blind in so many ways…will You heal me?  Can You take the deafness from my ears and the hard places from my heart?  I don’t want to miss a thing.  I want so badly to hear Your voice.  I’m so hungry for Your words – so hungry for Your truth.  My soul cries out to be pierced by You…to feel the way You feel instead of being trapped by my own insecurities.  I long to die to my fears, my failures, my twisted view of things.  I want to see as You see, feel as You feel, walk as You walk, love as You love.  Will You deny me?  You never have before.

You look at me with love in Your eyes.  I want to see Your eyes.  I want to touch Your face and feel the realness of Your skin beneath my touch.  You are fully human – yet fully God.  Your glory wrapped in humanity.  Your power engulfed by flesh and bone.  It boggles my mind, and yet I know it is true.  You’ve walked here.  You walk here still.

I’ve seen your feet walk on the water.  I’ve seen Your legs – strong, muscular, confident – each step taken with purpose.  You always knew where You were going as You tread the earth under your feet and I wonder…  Just as Abraham was told that every place his foot touched would be his, did those promises echo in Your mind?  As You walked this earth were you claiming territory?  Did the religious community understand just how much authority You walked in while you tread the earth?  No, but the children knew.  And they rejoiced and no one could stop them.  If they had been silenced the rocks would have cried out.

Love has legs and feet.  Love walks in authority and brings truth.  Love is not conquered by fear but conquers fear.  Love never fails.  Love never fails.  You never fail.

Tread in my life King Jesus.  Break through every barrier that stands in the way of intimacy with You.  Give me Your understanding – no, give me Your love.  Love never fails…give me Your love.  Rend my heart and flood my mind with understanding for I’m most ignorant.  All I know is I love You.  It is a puny thing but it’s all I have to offer.  I am Yours.  Give me the strength to obey You in the big things and the small because You’ve said again and again that if I love You I will obey what You’ve taught me.  I want to obey You.  I want to love You more.  Help me in this.

You’ve said I would find You.  I’m seeking You the best way I know how.  Hear this prayer, see my tears, and be with me now.  I am a woman in love…will you not come to me?

I’ve been a Tommy Tenney fan for a long time now, and have read several of his books.  One that I have on order through www.paperbackswap.com is entitiled “How to Be a God Chaser and a Kid Chaser”.  I’m expecting it to have some wonderful information I can use, as we’ve started back homeschooling and there isn’t as much time to sit and “pickle” in God’s presence like I love to do!  Instead of nurturing Mary (devotion and love for God) I end up catering more to Martha (serving and providing for others), and it has been a hard road to reconcile these two squabbling sisters.  There has to be balance between the two.  After my devotion to Him, God has called me to minister to my husband, and then my children - in that order. If any one of these three areas are neglected then trouble begins to brew.  One thing I’ve begun to learn over these summer months is the incredible love God has for family, and how much He loves His kids.  So to neglect my husband or my children spells disaster in ways I don’t want to stick around to experience.  While I am ”sleeping” - neglecting those things the Father has instructed me to do - my enemy looks for every opportunity to sow tares into my life, or into the lives of my loved ones.  Mary needs Martha as much as Martha needs Mary.  Love and service.  Both should go hand in hand.

I’ll be sure to post an update as soon as I’ve read the book.  I know it’s going to have some very practical and thought-provoking information, and I’m looking forward to passing it along.  Tommy’s mother co-wrote the book with him, so I know it’s going to be a good one.  Moms, you just never know what destiny the Lord has in store for that precious child currently under your wing.  As I aptly reminded my husband the other day, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world!”  This was in response to his jab about the Women’s Movement “failing”.  Praise God, I hope it dies completely!  Just like in the Garden of Eden the enemy tricked women once more into believing that they can “have it all”.  We were never meant to carry that burden, and the only way anyone can find freedom and self-worth is through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Last time I checked He was still “THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life” - not me.  The Women’s Movement has done more to damage the home than any war ever started by men.  All you have to do is look at the state of our teens out there to see it.  The current stats are that there are only 4% of teens in our country right now that are what we would consider Bible-believing Christians.  And one day very soon they will be running our major corporations, our government, our healthcare systems, etc.  Scary isn’t it?

So, who’s rocking your child’s cradle?  Make sure it’s you Mom and Dad.  But be encouraged, God is with you every step of the way.  He Who began a good work in you (and your husband and children) is faithful to complete it! (Phil. 1:3-6)

“He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.” Isaiah 40:11 

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die,…” Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a NIV 

Our Father has an amazing sense of humor.  He’s been teaching me some pretty amazing things about “dying to self”, and here is another facet indeed.  Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be going to a viewing today.  We’ve recently had a death in the family, and here I am awaiting the time to pay my respects.  The oddest thing about this day is it’s my birthday.  I don’t suppose this was coincidence was it Father?

You are correct dear One.  It was not a mistake that I brought you to this place.  Do you fear Me?  Do you truly understand the power I have over life and death?  There are mysteries I’ve wished to reveal to My children if they will only stop to listen.  Hear Me daughter, for there will come a day when the time for hearing will be over, and the time for strict obedience will be at hand.  Learn these lessons well Emanna.  I’ve called you to be an overcomer, not to be overcome.

Each man’s time is in My hands.  It is My great mercy that continually strives with the lives of men.  How each man lives the life I have given him will be weighed upon the event of his natural death.  When you die there is no more striving, no more redemption, no more sorrow or sighing (chances for repentance).  There is TRUTH on the other side of death.  Everything that does not stand before my Holy Presence but is consumed by My fire will not be worthy to enter the Kingdom.  But those things that remain are truly worthy to enter My Kingdom, and the fire will only serve to magnify the brilliance of those things.  At the end of your life Emanna you will only be allowed to bring with you things of eternal significance: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  Remember that against these things there is no law!  These are things the Spirit provides you while on this earth, and He desires that you grow in these virtues.  He desires, as I do as well, that these virtues become shining jewels in your crown when My Son brings you fully into His Kingdom.  We desire that you bear much fruit.  Do not pick up the fruit the enemy lays at your feet.  His fruit is full of deadly poison.  His fruit is easy to take up.  It is the fruit of offense, envy, anger, slander, despair, jealousy, hatred, discord, malcontent and more.  Fruit that is from the Spirit you have to reach upward to take.  Fruit from the enemy lies all over the ground at your feet.  Even though it looks tempting to the eye, and is easy to reach, it is full of great evil and results only in death.  Reach for the fruit that will supply your every need.  Reach for the fruit provided by My precious Spirit.  Reach higher Emanna!

Father, give me a greater desire for the eternal fruit of Your precious Spirit.  Help me redeem the time You have given me and use it for Your glory.  Give me a greater measure of discernment over my days, and help me to know immediately if I’ve picked up the fruit of the enemy.  Forgive me and cleanse me from the fruit I’ve already taken up that was not Yours.  It is my desire to follow You, and reach only for those things that honor and please you.  Help me Holy Spirit to love and fear my Beloved King as He deserves.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen

“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Luke 6:27-28 ESV

Be careful what you pray for…God may just be listening.  I’ve been praying for truth over my life, and He’s certainly been honoring that prayer.  Truth is certainly a double-edged sword.

We all have them - family members who think we’ve lost it.  Family members who don’t understand the great desire to follow God no matter what the cost.  Family members that act more like “enemies” than friends.  And yet, we are commanded to love them, do good to them, bless them, and pray for them.  It can be the ultimate test of your Christian walk…one that I have failed miserably again and again.

Tonight I had a confrontation with one such family member that’s been brewing for two years now.  This relative was single, and is now married (glory to God!).  During the period before their marriage they began living together and their relationship quickly became intimate.  Here’s the rub: they both claimed to be Christians.  I struggled with scriptures like this one:

“I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people — not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.  But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.  For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?  God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”” 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 ESV

What Paul is saying seems pretty plain doesn’t it?  They are both members of a bible-believing church.  How do you reconcile the fact that this scripture found in 1 Corinthians exists and still love a “fallen” believer?  I once heard a pastor say that there is a difference between a true believer and a false convert.  The true believer “falls” into sin, while a false convert runs straight toward it!  Paul said it plain enough: “purge the evil person from among you, and don’t even eat with someone who practices immorality.”  It is a hard saying…especially when you’re dealing with your own family.  I don’t have trouble dealing with sinners outside of the family of God - I really don’t.  I can even empathize with them.  I’ve “been there, done that.”  Who was Paul referring to in this scripture?  The people who called themselves brothers and sisters in the Lord.  We are not to judge the world outside (God will do that), but to judge rightly those who belong to the family of God, if indeed they belong at all.  Then there is this scripture:

“BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.  Bear (endure, carry) one another’s burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete what is lacking [in your obedience to it].  For if any person thinks himself to be somebody [too important to condescend to shoulder another’s load] when he is nobody [of superiority except in his own estimation], he deceives and deludes and cheats himself.  But let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work. He can then have the personal satisfaction and joy of doing something commendable [in itself alone] without [resorting to] boastful comparison with his neighbor.” Galatians 6:1-4 AMP

My great sin in all this was I had neglected to bear their burden, and to love them as I love myself.  This is the second part of the greatest commandment Jesus gave us (Mark 12:30-31).  I stepped back from relationship with them, and rightly so.  But I neglected to pray on their behalf and carry the burden the enemy had loaded onto their backs - no matter how willingly they received it.  It was still deception of the greatest sort.  Where were my tears?  Where was my sorrow?  Where was my love?  Where were my prayers?  They were nowhere to be found.

So here I was this evening in my living room, being strongly rebuked for creating an inpenetrable boundary this precious family member did not know how to cross, being accused of staying in my holy bubble, and generally acting like I was above them all.  More truth was spoken than what this family member was aware of.  I have separated myself from their affairs.  I was not being responsive to the Spirit of God and was acting superior to them.  I did not know how to “speak the truth in love” to them, because I didn’t have the love of God in my life for them.  I’ve cried out to the Lord in regards to these sins in my life, and God has done some wonderful work in my heart towards that end.  I’m beginning to love them again.

My prayer for them now is that they get to live a long and happy life together, but most of all that they’ll find the amazing love of Jesus.  In His presence everything is transformed.  Our sins and constant failures melt away by just a glance of His magnificent eyes.  A two second encounter with the King of Kings can turn your world upside down.  I’ve experienced these things in this year.  As much as I wanted to rebuke them the Spirit of God would never release me to do so.  Even though I know the scriptures, I didn’t have His seal of love on the transaction.  Death would have come instead of Life.  I’m so grateful to Him for keeping me from greater sin. 

“DO NOT judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves.  For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you.  Why do you stare from without at the very small particle that is in your brother’s eye but do not become aware of and consider the beam of timber that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, Let me get the tiny particle out of your eye, when there is the beam of timber in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first get the beam of timber out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the tiny particle out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5 AMP