myemanna.org

“The Spirit Whom He has caused to dwell in us yearns over us and He yearns for the Spirit [to be welcome] with a jealous love…” James 4:5 AMP 

I am the lucky mother of a 13 year old son.  I often tell him he is my favorite son, and I can get away with this since he is my “only” son.  My other two children are girls (and they’re also my favorites).  But as any mother of a son will testify, there is a unique bond that only happens with a mother and her son.  (God help the woman that ever breaks his heart!)  It is through this particular child that God gave me a very poignant lesson.

 A couple of days ago we were just hanging around the house together when he plopped down on the couch next to me and put his head on my lap.  This doesn’t happen very often.  From the time he’s been able to walk he has been avoiding affection from me, or anyone else who would attempt to hold him down and embrace him.  He is a boy constantly on the go, and his love language is definately NOT touch!  This child spells love T-I-M-E.  He’ll talk to you forever if he knows he has your undivided attention.  Just don’t try to hug him or kiss him….which drives this mom bonkers most days.  The more he pulls away, the more I want to grab him.  So, the other day he shows me an unusual amount of affection (read: 2 minutes), then he gets up to play on the computer.  I can’t tell you what this did to my heart.  I was so enjoying having him near me, just enjoying his presence.  We weren’t really saying anything to each other, but he was comfortable with me for that brief time.  I felt totally jilted, and in my heart I was saying, “That was NOT ENOUGH TIME!”  I wanted more of him just laying his head on my lap…being still, being content.  Right about that time I felt the Spirit of God nudging me.  I could almost hear Him say, “This is how I feel when you leave My Presence too quickly…it’s not enough time with you and I want more of your time.  I am jealous for you and long for your undivided attention.”  Ouch.

So the next day comes.  Almost the identical situation arises.  He finds me in the living room curled up on the couch and lays down on my lap once more.  But this time he stays…a long time.  I can’t tell you the love that rose up in my heart for this child.  I would have given him the world if he had asked.  And once again, I had a clear picture of the Father’s heart toward us who would just “be still, and know that I am God.”  We are called to stop our work, our striving, our whatever - and just come to Him and be at rest.  I didn’t have a greater love for my son because of anything he did for me.  My heart was filled to overflowing because he sought me out just to be with me.  He didn’t come with an agenda or a laundry list of things he wanted me to buy or do for him…he just came to be with me. 

How much more do you think God wants to bless His children who choose to lay their heads on His divine lap?  He’s all about relationship.  Everything truly worthy flows out of that intimacy with Him.

Blessings,

Emanna

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:27-29

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me…”  John 10:27

Since the beginning of the year the Lord has placed a burning desire in me to know Him more.  This blog is a result of the time I’ve spent at His feet…and often over His knees!  He has shared some incredible things with me, and I post them here for your encouragement, your amazement…knowing I am possibly opening myself to extreme criticism as well.  I am not a new Believer, but have walked with Him for many years now.  I love the Word of God.  I am giving this to you how it was given to me.

Please give me some grace here…we know in part and we prophecy in part (1 Cor. 13:9).  I share a “part” - not the complete picture.  As I’ve set my heart to understand His ways, He has expressed to me on more than one occassion that He desires to speak to me “plainly”.  I have taken Him at His Word in this.  I hope what I share with you this evening encourages you.  He is not a respecter of persons (Acts 10:34).  What He has done in and for me He will do for you as well.  Keep seeking His face!

Blessings,

Emanna

 Journal entry from July 10, 2007:

Father, it’s been over a week since I’ve sat down to study Your Word and meditate and listen for Your voice.  I’ve felt Your Presence here and there and I know You will never leave me.  I’ve been avoiding quality time with you like this, and honestly I’m not sure why.  I suppose I’ve let the internet and it’s offerings entice me to spend more time than I should in pursuing “knowledge”.  Even though I’ve immersed myself in the pursuit of the prophetic and other theological “knowledge” - I’m not pursuing Your face, and that truly is my heart’s desire.  All I know is that I am utterly wretched without You.  I’ve come too far for anything to satisfy me apart from You!  I struggle to find peace apart from You.  And I long to fellowship with other believers who are seeking Your face.  Believers who truly care about Your heart, and what You want to see happen in the earth.  So I come to You today, laying my tired head on Your chest and asking, “What do You desire Daddy?…How can I bring joy to Your heart today?”  And can You please tell me why there’s always a nagging fear in the back of my mind that says You will reject me or rebuke me or be harsh with me?  You’ve always been loving and kind when I’ve turned my heart toward You.

My precious daughter - how I thrill to hear your voice call out My Name!  It delights My heart when you seek My face.  I will always wait for you precious one.  There are many things that I would like for you to do for Me, but not out of a sense of obligation or to earn My favor.  You’ve already been given My favor and I expect you to learn to use it wisely.  But to have you come and sit at My feet, and learn of Me - it softens My heart toward you.  There are secret treasures just waiting to be discovered as you follow Me and learn of Me.  Place your head over My heart and see that My heart beats for you beloved.  I have a fierce love for you Emanna - My anointed one.  I am extremely jealous of your affections.  Do not have any other gods before Me.  I am your Husband, your Rock of Gibralter, your Deliverer.  Do not forget who you are My love.  Forget not Whose you are!  You are Mine and I have bought you with a price.  All other lovers threw change at your feet, but I paid it all - I gave it all.  I paid the bride-price to redeem you.  There is not a stone I’ve left unturned - the contract has been fulfilled.  And now you stand as a bride in the tent of My love I’ve spread over you.  I am a man, and yet I am God and this amazes you…as well it should.  But let me take you by the hands and whisper destiny in your ears - can you not hear My voice?  I will speak plainly so you will know.  I have called you to love only Me.  I have called you to become consumed by My passion.  I called you to go and bear much fruit.  You are not of this word, can you not see that?  My precious child, do not let the enemy of your soul lure you away from Me.  My passion for you and your heart is great.  Hardness has begun to creep into your heart like a cancer.  Ask Me and I will remove it and replace it with a heart of flesh.

Father, I ask You right now in the Name of Jesus to remove this deadening cancer from my heart.  Consume me in Your love and wash me white as snow. I have said things and done things the past number of days that have dishonored You.  I have lied, I have misled, I have harbored offense - and much more.  I am not worthy to even be called Your child.  I give You permission to search my heart and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.  I rest in Your arms of grace.  Make me unsatiably hungry for Your presence once more.  Remove my heart and replace it with Your heart, Your dreams, and Your purposes for my life.  I want to change my world for Jesus somehow.  I want to meet You in the “face-place” and discover those deep places of intimacy with You.  Please help me through the Holy Spirit to do just that.  Surround me with believers who are fired up for Jesus and who will run to do His bidding.  I have so many distractions in my life - but all I really need is You.  I’ve fallen but You are faithful to pick me back up again.  Create in me a holy discontent to have more of You.

I am laughing at you right now child.  You remind Me of Martha today.  And what did I tell her dear one?

You said in Luke 10:41 - “Martha, Martha, you are worried about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.”

I laughed at Martha also.  Mary quickly figured out where she needed to be.  She sat at My feet in rapt attention and hung on My every word.  And I fed her the very words of Life.  She had found what was truly worthy, and I encouraged dear Martha to do the same.  You do not have to strive to be with Me, because I am already with You.  Your battle comes from the distractions You’ve surrounded yourself with - the internet, the phone, friends, etc.  Each of these things are not inherently evil in their own right, but the enemy will use whatever is at his disposal to steal time away from Me with you.  Do you not understand how jealous I am for your love Emanna?  I love you with an everlasting love.  I want you to experience My love here and now - not just when you cross the threshold of eternity.  Seek My face and learn from Me now.  I am equipping you for an end-time ministry.  Many youth will be touched and hearts set on fire by the Word of God.  There will be miracles and signs and wonders.  In your heart you ask Me how this can be.  Truly I tell you that heaven and earth will not pass away before a great renewal - a great increase, a great release will come through the youth of this country (USA).  And it will spread like wildfire to the nations and nothing will stop it.  MySpace will become MY Space as hundreds of thousands of youth sing My praises and sell-out to Me.  They will “put their money where their mouths are”, and will turn the tide of ungodliness in this nation.  My plans and purposes will be fulfilled in them.  Will you join Me in the plans I have for this generation?  Will you empty yourself completely so I can love these kids?  I dream big dreams Emanna.  And I always win.  My plans and purposes will stand.  I have placed you at your church for a reason.  I have given you a heart for these teens.  Will you humble yourself and learn from them as well?

My heart’s desire is to know You and to please You and lay down my life for Your plans and purposes…and to go where You send me.  But I also know that even as this is my heart’s cry, my flesh often has different plans.  Can You somehow impart to me through Your Spirit an “I-don’t-care-what-you-think-I’m-following-Jesus” spirit?  What will it take Lord until I don’t feel like running when You ask me to do something for You?

When I release you from your house of flesh this pressure will be gone.  But not until then.  Why do you think I require you to live by faith and not by sight?  It is your faith that pleases Me.  I will meet you there if you will just trust Me and plant your feet firmly in My Word.  Continue to spend time with Me, and learn from Me for I am meek and lowly in spirit.  Remember that the meek will inherit the earth.  The earth is mine once more, and I have given authority back to the sons of men to rule and to reign in My authority.  Speak My Word and seek My face and you will discover great success.  You long for intimacy - and yet I am still here - still loving you and waiting for you.  Will you not serve Me?  Will you not love and adore Me?  My desire is for My Bride, and My eyes are ever on your form.  Not one breath escapes from your lips that I did not place there.  And I have forgiven you and have cleansed you from all unrighteousness.  Walk in the freedom I have purchased for you and don’t look back.  You are My delight, My sister, and My friend.

I receive Your forgiveness precious Savior!  Thank You for once again giving me Your perspective.  You dream so big.  May I never shrink back from the part You would have me to play in these plans.  Equip me to lead youth.  You know - honestly, I just want to have a greater capacity to press into You more.  Everything I need will flow from fellowshiping and loving You.  You are worthy of all my love, all my focus, and attention.  Give me a greater understanding of Your love.  Knit me together in the womb of Your love - in the secret place.  Knit my heart to Yours so it beats in time with Your heart.  In Your Name - Precious Jesus… Amen

Psalm 109:21-25 (NIV)

 But you, O Sovereign LORD,
       deal well with me for your name’s sake;
       out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

 For I am poor and needy,
       and my heart is wounded within me.

 I fade away like an evening shadow;
       I am shaken off like a locust.

 My knees give way from fasting;
       my body is thin and gaunt.

 I am an object of scorn to my accusers;
       when they see me, they shake their heads.

This morning when I first read Psalm 109 the thought ran through my head, “This does not apply to me…I don’t feel weak and sickly and needy today.”  Then I felt the Spirit gently nudge me to take a closer look.  I know that all scripture is God-breathed and “useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16)

As I meditated on these words, the Lord began to give me His perspective.  I began to understand that even though I do not physically feel weak and needy, compared to the strength of God I am hopelessly weak.  It is only through the goodness of my Father’s love that I am not destroyed.  Just as David had physical accusers I have an invisible accuser that is no less real.  I am but a shadow to the one who would gladly take my life and everything the Lord has ever blessed me with.  After all, Satan’s job description is to “steal, and kill, and destroy”. (John 10:10)

Perhaps the “strength” I have in myself hinders God from working fully on the inside of me.  When I perceive myself as strong, and allow pride to reign in my life, I believe the false assumption that I am in charge.  I endeavor to do great things for God at the expense of relationship with Him.  I over-reach, over-extend, and over-draw in many areas of my life when I perceive I am strong.  But when I see myself as weak, I cling to Him as the only One Who can truly save me.  I open my heart to His love and provision for my life.  I begin to walk in the fullness of His Presence and His strength.  “He gives grace to the humble, but resists the proud.” (Proverbs 3:34)

Later in Psalm 109 David begins to declare:

“With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord; in the great throng I will praise Him.  For He stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save his life from those who condemn him.”  Psalm 109:30-31

God’s protection and provision over David’s life elicits joyful praise.  God does not sit idly by, but stands at the right hand of the “needy one”.  The enemies that shook their head at David in his affliciton are now shaking in fear as the Lover of his soul rises up to protect His weak child.  Just as with David, His power and glory consumes our weakness, and we are able to face our accuser with boldness and confidence.  We must remove our “strength” to discover His.  We must remember that “no flesh will glory in His Presence”! (1 Corinthians 1:29)

The Apostle Paul had an incredible revelation concerning strength and weakness.  Faced with a “thorn” of adversity, the Lord encouraged him with these words found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

And Paul’s response:

“I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

The accuser may shake his head at us in our weakness, but when our Father rises up in response to a heart of humility, His shadow replaces our own.  He stands in defense of His children even at their right hand.  How our accuser must shake from head to toe in fear!

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Father, help us to fully trust in, lean on, and entirely love You.  Remove the spirit of pride and self-sufficiency from our hearts.  Remind us again and again through the power of Your Holy Spirit that we are but a breath.  We have no true power apart from You.  Help us to understand that the strength of our flesh only serves to hinder the work and power You desire to give to us, and pour through us.  As we stand in humility in Your Presence, stand at our right hand and make our accuser tremble.  We choose to stand under Your shadow and rest under Your wings.  Pour Your strength into our weaknesses, and may our flesh never glory in Your Presence.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen

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“For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.” 

1 Corinthians 1:25-29